Just so you know, me and the gf are going away for a dirty weekend in the Wales… where my darling mother will be doing most of the cooking and cleaning, and I will be doing most of the eating and making things dirty. So I won’t be posting again until Monday… I know, what the hell are you going to do without me.
So onto business. Last night there was this documentary thing on the radio about bands reforming, like Rage against the machine and The Pixies, which is good news. But there are also other bands reforming that really grind my gears…
Okay, so a message to Queen… having a guy called Paul Rogers singing karaoke with the other two members of Queen is NOT Queen. The same goes for INXS.
The Jam are also reforming sans Paul Weller, who only had a small part to play in the band… namely writing every single song and singing it and playing lead guitar. What the hell are they going to do drum and bass their way through songs that they had no part in writing.
Can a band can still call itself the old band name without the original lineup. Do you think Queen will ever be Queen without Freddie Mercury coming back from the dead?
Also, there have been a few other things on my mind this week. These should keep you busy while I’m away soaking up the sun in the land of Wales…
If you dream there is this frog and it’s wearing a crown and a cape and it’s your job to try and keep him alive, but he keeps on turning grey and nearly dying… What the hell does that mean?
Can anyone recommend any good new films at the cinema or on DVD. I have been thinking about going to watch 300 as I am a massive fan of Frank Miller. Has anyone seen it? and more importantly is it rubbish?
And finally… What the hell is wrong with my car?
If you can answer any of these I will be very grateful… have a good weekend
Would it be a complete waste of a perfectly good back to the future style delorean Time Machine if you only used it to get from 9am to 5pm every weekday?
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Hello. It’s Monday morning and I can’t be arsed having a rant today… I feel like if I blink I won’t wake up for three hours, so I’m just going to do some quick fire questions.
Q1. What was the last CD / mp3 you listened to? Q2. What was the last DVD you watched? Q3. What colour are your underpants? Q4. Who was the last person you kissed? Q5. Tea or Coffee? Q6. PC or (the far superior) Mac? Q7. What is your biggest fear or phobia? Q8. Do you recycle?
p.s. if anyone feels sorry for me for only getting 2 comments on the last post then please pass comment on that too… and in future I won’t ask anything word record related. Fank you.
Today I wish to discuss the weird and wonderful world of the record breaker. I am personally a huge fan of the contestants on the competitive eating arena. I think you are not a real man unless you can shove 53 hot dogs down your throat in 12 minutes, like this guy Takeru Kobayashi… what a hero.
There is also this kid who can do 10,000 push-ups. I don’t think I have a chance at that record… unless the record is reduced to 2 push-ups because I reckon I could only just squeeze out 3 after some intensive training.
I was also reading about this guy who was a college student and he stayed awake for 11 days straight… i guess he really needed some money or something (do you get paid for breaking a record? Maybe you get Guinness… now there’s an incentive). What an insane thing to do… staying awake… why?
I think I would go for the sleeping record. After jet setting back from New York I managed to put away 18 hours of sleep… and I forced myself to get up. I don’t know what the record for sleeping is… I wonder if that guy who stayed awake for 11 days is currently my competition for the sleeping record. You’d think after 11 sleepless days you would sleep like a bear. I need to research this further.
So… which world record would you set?
Answers in the comments box my ambitious little babies
Quote of the Day Ryan: (looking at himself topless in the mirror while brushing teeth) Wow! Look at these muscles… aren’t they are like Brad Pitt’s in Fight Club Girlfriend: (disgusted look) NO!
Okay, usually I write about something and get you to comment about your opinions, but today I’m getting scientifical on yo asses homeys. This is a really un-original question, there is even a book with this title, but it has been bothering me so I thought I would put it to the room.
Why do men have nipples?
Nipples’ function is to feed babies and men don’t lactate. Do we just have them to look symmetrical when we are naked or is there some use… is it something to do with when you are conceived you don’t have a gender yet and you could be either. Is it some sort of erotic thing. I don’t know… you can add science to the school subjects I was crap at… along with history.
Someone put me out of my misery with a highly intelligent comment please… or if you don’t know, maybe you could make up a function… like maybe in the future they will produce beer and men can suck their own nipples at the pub while watching the footy, sorry that is really weird, I should still be in bed. Suggestions please…
p.s. does anyone know how to spell ok or okay cause my spell check says both are wrong… yes I do use spell check you cheeky mammoth
I have been browsing quite a few other blogs recently, and I stumbled upon this question which I thought I would completely copy. I really would have included a link to said copied blog, but I did not take note of it. So sorry to that person.
The question is… for the boys… which one of these people would you shoot, which would you shag and which would you marry. Your choices are: Fizz (off of Coronation Street), Courtney Love, Dot Cotton (off of Eastenders)
And for the girls… which one of these hunky hunks would you shoot, which would you shag and which would you marry. Your choices are: Hitler, The Hoff, Joe Pasquale
Feel free to answer the opposite sex’s question too. Answers in my comments box, you know how it goes.
So at the moment my girlfriend (who is incredibly attractive and intelligent) is working on her dissertation which has something to do with text speak. Anyway, this got me thinking about texting and if texting is evil or not.
A couple of years ago I had been out to the cinema with my friend. My mum being the incredibly caring person she is, had text me asking where I was. I was driving at the time and i quickly text back… which I absolutely disapprove of by the way. In my haste and with lack of checking, I tried to text back “I’m coming home now”, but anyone who uses predictive text will know that home initially types out as a very different word. So my phone… the prankster, made me text my mother with the message “I’m coming good now”… which when you have been on what is essentially a date with a male friend is wrong on so many levels.
Today I want to know if anyone else has had any unfortunate texting or e-mailing accidents, maybe with messages going to the wrong people or another coming text.
Let me know you sexual animals.
Note to self. You are a proper lightweight, so don’t ever think you can go out drinking from 5pm to 2am ever again… even if it is St Patrick’s Day.
So when I was a lad… I had to walk 15 miles in the snow, just to change the TV channel. Just kidding it was more like 20 miles.
So when I was a lad… in year 9 at school I really wanted to choose history as one of my options, I was denied access to this class as the history grade I received in year 9 was an F. Apparently if you are crap at a subject, you are not allowed to improve your understanding of it.
I wasn’t very good at school generally, fortunately you don’t have to be a genius to be a Graphic Designer (according to this book, you do have to be something else though). I would have to say that History was my worst subject in school, by far. I have a terrible memory and stood no chance of remembering names and dates (apparently not all schools taught History like that… but mine did).
Today’s question is… What was your worst subject at school. Is there anyone out there, who like Albert Einstein or The Ultimate Warrior failed at school, but turned out to be freakishly intelligent.
Answers in the comments box… please do not copy anyone else’s answers, anyone caught cheating will receive an F, you may begin.
I am not speaking of sharing food here… I need all the food I can get (I think I might be a size zero, which is not good for a man / boy / manboy). Today I want you to show me the funny.
I really like jokes that aren’t really that funny, but are really funny… if you know what I mean. The problem is I am running a bit low on material, I massively overuse this joke…
This guy walks into a pub with a giraffe and says “two pints of Guinness please” and the barman says “I’m sorry but you look like you’ve already had a few too many, I’m going to have to ask you to leave”. On the way out the giraffe bangs his head on the door frame and collapses on the ground. As the guy starts walking off the barman shouts “you can’t leave that lying there” and the guy replies “it’s not a lion… it’s a giraffe.”
Obviously that joke works better when you’re telling it and not reading it. I am also a big fan of the moth joke off Scrubs… that is so un-funny it’s hilarious, I would advise you watch it if you’re not at work.
Like I said I am on the hunt for new material. So if you think you have an even better joke than the lion one (which will take some beating) then type it into my newly fitted laughing comments box.
So there has been a lot of talk this week about minimum wage going up to a whopping £5.52 per hour for people over the age of 21. If you are under 21 it is a bit less and if you are under 18, I think it is still legal to send you to work in the pit on a seventeen hour shift for two shillings a week. I’m pretty sure that I was paid about £2 an hour at my first ever job… i am on a wee bit more than that now (at £2.10 per hour).
I have taken it upon myself to do some calculations. Please allow for the fact that I am fairy inept at maths, but I have used a calculator so hopefully I have enough un-evolved monkey in me to bash the right buttons.
So min wage = £5.52
Say rent and bills (average up North made up by Ryan) = £500 per month
Shopping Budget = £100 per month
Say £10 per month in case of emergency… like an emergency bottle of value Scotch.
This means you would have to work 15 hours to buy a new pair of Calvin Klein underpants, because you split your picking up a cigarette butt off the floor outside Primark.
You are feeling a bit out of touch and want to be down with the kids again, so you work 138 hours to buy an iPod… all you need now is to save up for a computer. 584 hours will get you a shiny new G5 iMac. That will have to wait though because your neighbour was pissed last night and he accidentally set fire to your Bentley. You’re going to have to buy a new one. Good news is you will only have to save every penny you earn for 83,942 hours (2,269 days or 43.6 years) and you’re there… I think you will agree this is not unachievable
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